boffola: (Default)
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(612):

Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
boffola: (Default)
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(586):

Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
boffola: (Default)
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(956):

He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
boffola: (Default)
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(779):

I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day

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(779):

Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?

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(815):

Yes.
boffola: (Default)
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(847):

well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
boffola: (Default)
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(336):

My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
boffola: (Default)
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(818):

the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
boffola: (ooh ooh mister gyro oooh)
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(717):

i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
boffola: (Default)
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(315):

Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
boffola: (Default)
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(860):

It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
boffola: (Default)
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(304):

I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
boffola: (Default)
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(304):

Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
boffola: (Default)
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(713):

He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.

(713):

They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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boffola: (Default)
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(203):

Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
boffola: (Default)
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(612):

Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
boffola: (Default)
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(203):

If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
boffola: (Default)
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(920):

So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
boffola: (Default)
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(781):

In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
boffola: (Default)
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(240):

This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.

(1-240):

You've ruined popcorn for me.
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